Daddy, I Love Your Soldiers

Today I attached a flag pole to display the Stars and Stripes. I’d planned to include my four-year old—we’ve been discussing Memorial Day and the soldiers who gave, and give, us freedom. Morning plans morphed into other activities and I put the flag up with my daughter busy inside the house. She saw it immediately and pounded on a window to congratulate her dad on a job well done.

Just a few minutes ago she looked out the window and said, “Daddy, I love your soldiers. They can beat all the big monsters…”

I told her they were all of our soldiers and, “That’s why we put the flag up—”

“I didn’t put the flag up,” she said, “…I was eating chocolate chip cookies.”

Politicians, did you hear how not to take credit for something that you didn’t do? Did you feel the honesty and affection and confidence in those little sentences? Did you hear a love of country in a four-year-old? Textbook publishers, is it okay that she understands America is exceptional before she learns about a multitude of other cultures?

Politicians and educationalists alike, you must understand that the fundamentally transformative cultures you wish upon my daughter had to be saved from all the big monsters of the 20^th century…by the soldiers my daughter loves…by all of our soldiers.

Remember to consider this, today of all days; that if you make us what the others have been, who will save my daughter from all the big monsters of the 21st century?

Tired with Political Correctness

My Volkswagen camper is 20 years old and I live in a university town. Oh, how many Fellow Travelers are disappointed when they come up to tailgate, expecting the bumper to bash Bush (either one) or support Socialism. Alas, the Hippie Van sports only a small American Legion Support Our Troops ribbon. I plan to affix a FairTax.org sticker to the window after the next washing. Did I mention there’s an American Flag tucked inside the rear left window, in front of the curtain?

It’s the tires that have me fretting over the Mystery Machine (our 4-yr-old renamed what I had dubbed Speedbuggie—she said it was facetious to call it Speedbuggie…OK, she will say stuff like that some day). Back to the tires: I had purchased a forgotten brand a long time ago in a land far, far, away; it was Texas hot today here in Florida so I decided to inspect my sidewalls after I stopped for an Arizona Ice Tea to show my support for the New Yorkers who make it.

I got low to behold the brand name and lo and behold I’m driving around in public, mind you, on Arizonian Silver Edition; P21575R15, I think, I don’t know, I panicked. I climbed in and sped away. Well, slower than most cars speed away, but fast enough to keep my tires rolling so no one could tell Arizonians are supporting me as I support Arizonians. When the guy in the next lane had an Obama bumper sticker (We all know he doesn't support Arizonians…or Floridians…or Alabamians…) I almost ran a red light so he couldn't read my sidewalls—but I knew I’d never make it, so I stopped far to his rear: He also wanted to Free Tibet and [His] Other Car Was a Bicycle. What if someone else should get close enough to see I wasn't boycotting everything Arizonian—to include their tires? I wonder what state they are made in...do they still make them? Should I chance vengeance on my Volkswagen for a discontinued brand?

I thank God they aren't raised white letters standing out for people to see from a distance. Speaking of which…what would happen if I bolted a 7-ft cross on the luggage rack and parked the Mystery Machine over by the College of Education and Diversity and Multiculturalism and Ethnic Studies? I think someone would steal the cross, smash the window to remove the American flag and slash the Arizonians…and then they would go on to graduate next year and teach your grand kids the values of Washington D.C. over George Washington’s values.

So anyway, I made it home safely today and will plant a cactus under my flag tomorrow to show my support for Arizona, right after I replace my tires…hey, my daughter rides in the Mystery Machine every day.

If an entire girl’s softball team is in danger by traveling to Arizona, surely traveling on four Arizonians could be deadly. (In reality these are great tires, but we’re talking multiculturalism here, which trumps reality every time in a university town.)

Maybe I’ll replace them with B.F.Goodrich—wait a minute…those same people and presidents who don’t support Arizonians—they’re also trying to wipe out the Goodrich among us…

The 5th of May God Bless America & Other Holidays

So, how was your holiday? We stayed home this year for The 5^th of May God Bless America. We grilled pork and watched cable as politicians, foreigners, and educators try to destroy America. When I dropped the boy off at school this morning I was going to wear my Tea Party t-shirt adorned with the American Flag…but they only had XL available that day. My goal is to fit into my red, white and blue Tea-Shirt by Memorial Day.

Memorial Day is coming up fast…we’ll have to check with local “authorities” to see if the kids can wear their American Flag t-shirts to school. Their grandfather served Old Glory for 36 years: He started out in the Army Air Corps killing real Nazis over Europe and ended up a Colonel in the Air Force bombing foreign Communists in Vietnam. He lived and died (and killed) with the idea that the American Flag would be allowed in American schools—any day of the year. Someday we’ll visit his gravesite at Arlington National Cemetery so his granddaughter can recite the Pledge of Allegiance for him—it’s a stirring rendition, but I may be biased.

Speaking of bias—can we show it on The Fourth of July? Or, will we have to spend energy apologizing and defending the flag on that day as well? In our house, we combine Labor Day with the birthday of our soon-to-be-5-year-old: This year she’ll receive something with a red, white and blue theme. For Halloween we try to keep the Labrador in a Hippie outfit with fake arms dangling in front of her chest and a frizzy-haired wig on her head: I guess this October she’ll be going as a White House advisor. On Veterans Day we'll feel gratitude and fly the Colors. Again with the gratitude, on Thanksgiving blueberries and sour cream will sit next to cranberry stuff. Our Christmas cards, when sent, have a flag on the front—maybe we should have stocked up last year…

On Martin Luther King Day we will wonder why our elected leaders rejected George Washington’s Birthday to celebrate a black man who stressed character over color—just to have our elected leaders reject MLK by mocking character and hyping color year after year. On Presidents Day we will ponder many…and honor a few. Valentine’s Day will see a red heart on a blue field with white letters saying I love you. On St. Patrick’s Day I will drink one green beer; then one red beer, one white beer and one blue beer.

On Mother’s Day I will kiss my daughter’s mom, who looks so great in her Tea-Party t-shirt; and I will honor the memory of a caring and generous woman who would have slapped the punk out of any assistant principal who sent her boy home for wearing the Red, White, and Blue.

On Father’s Day…. for the children…I will try to be the best American I can possibly be.

On the next Cinco de Mayo we will settle down with pork chops and watch cable as…