Tired with Political Correctness

My Volkswagen camper is 20 years old and I live in a university town. Oh, how many Fellow Travelers are disappointed when they come up to tailgate, expecting the bumper to bash Bush (either one) or support Socialism. Alas, the Hippie Van sports only a small American Legion Support Our Troops ribbon. I plan to affix a FairTax.org sticker to the window after the next washing. Did I mention there’s an American Flag tucked inside the rear left window, in front of the curtain?

It’s the tires that have me fretting over the Mystery Machine (our 4-yr-old renamed what I had dubbed Speedbuggie—she said it was facetious to call it Speedbuggie…OK, she will say stuff like that some day). Back to the tires: I had purchased a forgotten brand a long time ago in a land far, far, away; it was Texas hot today here in Florida so I decided to inspect my sidewalls after I stopped for an Arizona Ice Tea to show my support for the New Yorkers who make it.

I got low to behold the brand name and lo and behold I’m driving around in public, mind you, on Arizonian Silver Edition; P21575R15, I think, I don’t know, I panicked. I climbed in and sped away. Well, slower than most cars speed away, but fast enough to keep my tires rolling so no one could tell Arizonians are supporting me as I support Arizonians. When the guy in the next lane had an Obama bumper sticker (We all know he doesn't support Arizonians…or Floridians…or Alabamians…) I almost ran a red light so he couldn't read my sidewalls—but I knew I’d never make it, so I stopped far to his rear: He also wanted to Free Tibet and [His] Other Car Was a Bicycle. What if someone else should get close enough to see I wasn't boycotting everything Arizonian—to include their tires? I wonder what state they are made in...do they still make them? Should I chance vengeance on my Volkswagen for a discontinued brand?

I thank God they aren't raised white letters standing out for people to see from a distance. Speaking of which…what would happen if I bolted a 7-ft cross on the luggage rack and parked the Mystery Machine over by the College of Education and Diversity and Multiculturalism and Ethnic Studies? I think someone would steal the cross, smash the window to remove the American flag and slash the Arizonians…and then they would go on to graduate next year and teach your grand kids the values of Washington D.C. over George Washington’s values.

So anyway, I made it home safely today and will plant a cactus under my flag tomorrow to show my support for Arizona, right after I replace my tires…hey, my daughter rides in the Mystery Machine every day.

If an entire girl’s softball team is in danger by traveling to Arizona, surely traveling on four Arizonians could be deadly. (In reality these are great tires, but we’re talking multiculturalism here, which trumps reality every time in a university town.)

Maybe I’ll replace them with B.F.Goodrich—wait a minute…those same people and presidents who don’t support Arizonians—they’re also trying to wipe out the Goodrich among us…