Is Congress Our Starting Team? (long post 8 pp)

A dream about Congress on the 50-yard line comes to an ancient Alabama football player—starting quarterback, surviving paratrooper. A Browne Delivery truck stirs the old man from his nap on the porch. He comes to babbling about the forward pass, fair taxation and benching the starting team. He tells the young driver, “The Constitution is their playbook—and they’re not using it.”

Later, Browne writes it down: Their conversation and the dream. One worth sharing.

“It just came to me. It’s about their excess in general—their recess in August.”
“Who’s that, sir? Your great-grandkids?”
“No, Congress. My little brother went to one of those Town Hall meetings—now on TV they call him a Nazi. Way back when, Tommy killed boatloads of Nazis—Tommy was a Torpedoman second class. Last month he wanted to know about his new hip. Do they call him a veteran? No, a dad gum Brown Shirt—no offense, driver. Sure be nice if we could get the whole lot of them on the fifty-yard line in front of God and everybody—you offended by God?”
“No sir…never left Alabama.” Browne still thinks his delivery is disturbing the man. “Please sign here, sir.” He makes it easy on the elderly, “You don’t have to read it first...”
“That’s how they got in trouble—they didn’t bother reading things first.”
“Who’s that, sir?”
“Congress...wake up, will you? I’m the one just woke up…and I had a dream, a real one. We could save the country if—you like America, right?”
Browne describes the lump in his throat when Lee Greenwood sings God Bless the U.S.A.
The old timer catches the young man admiring woodwork on the porch. “My father built this house before he went off to fight Germans—that first time. He came home to have a big family. Four of us went off to fight Germans—that second time.”
“What unit were you with?”
“Those are memories son, we’re talking about a dream: Different wars—memories and dreams. Look here,” the old man drops the box he signed for to pick up a football signed by a young Bear Bryant, “I got a whole bunch of memories about America, now I got this dream for her. Can you sit a while…before it leaves me? It’s funny sometimes. But you’re busy…”
Browne sits and wonders aloud how many stories a century-old house might have.
“Stories come over time,” more than eighty years of it says. “You might hear the same story—even a bald-faced lie—ten times before you believe it’s real. But a dream…that’s thrown at you all at once.”
To get young Browne’s attention the old man fiddles with the football. He spins it left and he spins it right, and then…he throws it at him all at once. With three Purple Hearts from FDR and two MVPs from the SEC, the elderly patriot begins sharing his dream in bullets; throwing pigskin to make a point, “Hope you catch on…”

• A lottery brings 100,000 voters to a joint session of Congress in a football stadium.
• It’s near sundown on a dog day in 2010 and re-election campaigns are...suspended.
• Voters have all had 3 months to prepare for 5 days of fast questions and short answers.
• Anxious citizens will find out during recess if politicians are…smarter than fifth-graders.
• C-Span and ESPN-2 have exclusive broadcast rights to Camp Constitution 2010.
• FEMA is back in DC. This crowd is responsible; they shy away from F—Agencies.
• Thirteen discreet paragraphs hidden like the cash in the Cash for Clunkers Law make Camp Constitution possible: No one understood the entire bill, but it became law.
• The Constitution is displayed high on big screens visible and indivisible…for all.
• Congress is seated midfield on folding chairs; ready to move when the whistle blows.
• State by state the people sit comfortably between Congress and the Constitution.
• Kick-off is 20 minutes away: The rules of the game are still secret—scoring unknown.
• Without explanation the scoreboard reads: Home: 0 Visitors: 535
• Broadcasters in pre-pre-season form describe one team on the field, another in the stands.

“Welcome everyone to the well-established Washington Politicians versus the upstart Mosteverytown Patriots. As you know, Jim, it’s the first-ever away game for Congress. They sure look intimidated down there on the field—what do you think, Bob?”
“Well, Frank, these Politicians are out numbered…and probably confused. The rules of the game won’t be posted until just before kick-off and what’s the message on that scoreboard? Have the Politicians already won before the game begins? That’s not right?”
“It’s…snot, Bob. An unidentified source in the locker room tells me this will turn out to be a pre-election draft and trade situation—that’s the game. Politicians who score with the American people will be traded to the Home Team…until November, then re-elected. Politicians who don’t score will run out their present contracts in Washington, then retire or face being cut from the team. What kind of score do you think Americans want out of this contest, Bob?”
“Frankly, Frank, I believe it’s a win-win situation for the Patriots. Americans realize that the Politicians record would greatly improve with a roster of randomly selected citizens.
“No doubt this Washington team needs time to rebuild, Bob—strengthen their foundation in traditional plays.”
“Certainly the Politicians ran too many sneaks last year—really stirred up these Patriots for the big game in November. Frank, these teams only meet every two years…”
“Mosteverytown could build confidence this week, maybe learn they can control Politicians in future contests. Better yet, Bob, maybe Washington will learn they’re not meant to control Mosteverytown, and certainly not by ignoring the playbook.”
“The Communist Manifesto, Frank—that’s the playbook meant to control a people. It hasn’t fielded a serious team since the Soviet Union broke apart.”
“It’s not as if our American playbook is a secret document, Bob. Or a living document…”
“I agree with you on the Constitution, Frank, apparently not enough Politicians…”
“These Patriots have traveled from fifty states to confront Congress over the Constitution. The results are non-binding, Bob; replacing Politicians like this is, well, unconstitutional.”
“That’s right, Frank, but thanks to Cash for Clunkers this whole week is legal, to be played out right there on the fifty-yard line in front of God and everybody…I can say that, right?”
“Feel free, Frank. I’m sure God watches C-Span. For those of you tuned to ESPN the blimp is also above us, hovering over the parking lot and National Guard City, set up during the last three days. Boy…that’s the American Spirit in olive drab.”

• Outside the stadium the 82nd Airborne provides security, as they now do for national disasters—including Congress. The Red Cross passes out comfortable blankets, McDonalds…hamburgers, and Nathan’s…hot dogs. Food trailers surround the small city of giant tents where Patriots and Politicians bunk together. No one leaves the parking lot during breaks.
• Inside the stadium Port-a-Potties grace the sidelines, two for each Congressional row. No one leaves the field during play.

“Bob, as promised the rules are now posted on the Camp Constitution website: Only a couple of printed pages—and that’s during a joint session of Congress, wow!”
“We really have to compliment retired coach Lou Holtz for organizing this effort. His love of football and the Constitution has really brought this week together. Good pick by the Legion."

• The American Legion has composed a series of multiple-choice questions for Congress.
• Politicians have a 30-second clock to answer. Patriots grade the answers on the spot.
• Politicians will gain and lose yards, score, or get sacked based on their answers.
• Politicians are guaranteed to score with the right answer to the one Hail Mary question.

“What if these Politicians—lie—when they answer, Frank?”
“They can sit, stand, or lie, Bob…as long as they tell the truth. The organizers of Camp Constitution, like the Tea Party movement, contend that Washington is systematically cheating Mosteverytown—constitutionally speaking. Americans are used to playing fair, Bob.”
“To catch the liars, Frank, we won’t use instant replays…we have extant replays.”
“John Wayne asked the definition of that word, extant, in his last movie…I forget it now.”
“It means existing, Bob. Politicians will be subjected to all existing and relevant replays of their speeches and political statements over the years. We call the archive, YouLiedTube.”
“We’ll see how this plays out in November. Not so far away is it…Jim? You’ve been quiet.”
“Yes—No, sir. I mean you’re right, Mister…Frank, or Bob. We’ll just see how many Politicians down on that outfield will be sent back to the minor leagues. Back to Mosteverytown where they came from— not everyone is meant for the Major Leagues…Bob.”
“That’s baseball, Jim. Why are you here again? Just who are you, Jim, and what do you do?”
“I’m the, you know…I’m the Cash for Clunkers Czar, remember me? It was just last year; my law professor got me the job… I’m assigned here for—diversity. That Clunker bill mandates that all Czars attend this joint session of, you know, Congress...”
“Well, Jim, Congress is down on the field and that’s where Czars belong—right Bob?”
“That’s right, Frank. Here’s the door, Jim. There’s a headset at the thirty-yard line; we’ll call you—close the door now. Time for a song, Frank?”
“Czarry, Czarry night…”
“I don’t trust him as Czar as I can throw him, Bob.”
“Here we are, Frank, in the dark about the rules our Politicians will play by: Last thing we need is a government official right out of government school educating us about the government. There’s nothing to learn from anyway—there’s no history for this day.”
“Well, Bob, a lot of Americans try to live without history—without knowing what happened in Congress, ever, let alone last year. Can you imagine if Politicians had taken over health care?”
“Almost scared me to a death panel, Frank.”
“Committees and conferences, Bob, lobbyists and lawyers…”
“Secret money and stealthy meetings, Frank—most voters know squat about what Congress has done behind closed doors since World War Two—or since the Sixties, right to our face.”
“I see a hundred thousand voters who know all about this Congress and their history...”

• Prior to kick-off the big screens show a short television classic; most Patriots and some Politicians sing along as the stadium rocks to, I’m just a bill…from Capitol Hill…
• Fifty thousand registered voters hold winning lottery tickets for this odd American gathering. They brought 50,000 other registered voters—a lot of married couples.
• All Patriots have spent 3 months drawing one-quarter of a Senator’s salary while studying the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and selected Federalist Papers.
• Required reading also included Orwell’s books Animal Farm and 1984 as well as Ayn Rand’s ever-selling Atlas Shrugged and the two best-selling books on the FairTax.
• Suggested reading: Rules for Radicals, Silent Spring and The Communist Manifesto…any James Michener novel, two Dale Carnegie books and three Frank Capra screenplays.
• Through some algebraic formula the 100,000 are proportional to each state’s population.
• Each state and every fan casts 535 votes—an Electoral College for Congress, all at once.

“Frank, those six Politicians who wrote the legalese that got past Congress—they’re American Heroes, guaranteed re-election—maybe even statues for their statute.”
“Bob, I don’t remember when Congress has provided us with so much humility.”
“Or humidity, Frank. Some appear to be sweating more than others…several Politicians have already made sweeping runs to the Port-a-Potties.”
“That reminds me, Bob. We want to acknowledge Congressional Pages for doing a great job running Gatorade out to those Politicians on the field. Look at all those empty paper cups under that Minnesota senator.”
“I sure was surprised he finally won that election, Bob.”
“So was he. Today, all of America is either energized or frantic, Frank—but everyone is surprised. Well, here comes the Marine Corps Band for the national anthem. I understand Lee Greenwood will sing. Both teams are on their feet…how ‘bout those new jerseys on Congress?”
“How ‘bout those Congressmen from New Jersey? The blimp is over our legislators now, Bob. Not the usual C-Span appearance for you viewers at home…”

• Starting at their own 49-yard line, defending the Visitors goal, are 535 folding chairs in 11 rows stretching across the field; senior members sit to the rear, freshman up front. They all wear red, white and blue jerseys; their name is on the back, their state on the front, their number determined by seniority. Senators have a different sleeve pattern.
• Red Astroturf fills the wide aisle that splits Congress in half—regardless of party.
• The scene from above shows two runners of Astroturf leading away from Congress, toward the Home Team goal line, like branches of the same red tree.
• The first runner angles to the 40-yard line: A group sits atop a padded bench in black jerseys, numbered 1-9. At the feet of the Supreme Court lies a first down chain.
• The second red runner travels across the field to the 35-yard line: A solitary man sits atop a swivel barstool, his sleeves rolled up. Nearby, an army officer holds a special football and five men with sunglasses surround a fast golf cart. The president waves at the blimp with both hands as the sky closes in on him.

“There goes the roof, Frank. I guess we’re ready to get this show underway—do I see some empty chairs out there among the Politicians? Forget it, Frank…let’s sing.”

• The applause following the Star Spangled Banner lasts almost ten minutes and the Patriots are energized by passion.
• The Politicians? Many have no dreams for the stars still spangling our banner—and they can’t fool those who do. At Camp Constitution they look like they feel—out of place.
• In another country the atmosphere might be that of a Muslim stoning under Sharia Law; or of the short story assigned in American Literature courses, The Lottery.
• But these fans are—like America itself—mostly modern, mostly Christian, and optimistic by nature. Relief fills the air, not revenge.
• No harm will come to these political players in the name of God or government.
• Prison is not out of the question.
• It is a simple and peaceful gathering of the few accountable to the many.

“You know, Frank, if this is all about accountability these Washington Politicians sure are lucky they were born here in the United States of America.”
“You do know that even if they weren’t born here they can still play with the Politicians. They just can’t quarterback from the White House.”
“I mean we don’t share the history of African nations or even Mexico, where leaders—well, frankly, Frank, where they have often been mourned as they leave office early. Let us pray…”

• Unrepentant stadium workers open the roof during the invocation—only Congress is bathed in a beam of twilight as a hundred thousand Patriots ask aloud for the strength to…forgive those who have trespassed against us…

“Amen. Frank, that was…amazing.”
“Grace, Bob…pure grace.”
“Do I still see empty chairs out on the field, Frank?”
“That’s right, Bob, Congress is not all together there…I might add the opposing team traveled from Mosteverytown, USA and all of them made it on time.”
“Frank, I count about a dozen no shows here at Camp Constitution. We all know two Politicians are so ill they can’t read the bills set before them…”
“Boy, I could go far with that one, Bob…but what about those other no-shows?”
“The CIA believes four Politicians and a boatload of Czars chartered a jet from Montreal to Moscow.”
“Heckuva a carbon footprint, Bob…”
“Two more have been spotted outside the country—in Venezuela and San Francisco…”
“This just in, Bob. Let me summarize the news article…A Congressman and a Senator, both from New England…last seen driving an SUV into Boston’s Big Dig. Fellow travelers were identified as executives of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac along with the missing Home Mortgage Czar. Police have found the car—no Czar, no Politicians...no baggage.”
“Frank, the purpose of Camp Constitution is to school Congress on our founding documents before the next election season. You figure some Politicians are scared of this Patriot team?”
“They probably didn’t want to answer the Big Question, Bob. I have a copy of it here somewhere…it’s multiple choice…as the viewers know each member of Congress had to answer the Big Question prior to kick-off—that answer determines their field position….”
“These Politicians have a personal digital assistant hanging around their necks, Frank. It’s how they’ll answer to the American people and receive orders on the field.”
“Frank, these fans sure like the emcee for the first quarter. I understand Regis Philbin will take over the second quarter. For now, here comes Alex Trebek riding onto the field atop a Segway with an attached podium—a lot of jealous Politicians, Frank.”
“He’ll kick things off by reading the Big Question from a card...there’s the whistle.”

• Which statement best describes the United States of America?
• 1. The United States is a representative republic.
• 2. The United States is a democracy.
• 3. The United States was a representative republic, but is now overwhelmed by recent traditions in education, media, and politics claiming The United States is a democracy.
• 4. The United States is no longer a Christian nation, a capitalist nation, nor a good nation; but in need of change, re-making and repentance for all of its horrible history.

“Obviously, Bob…if our kids come out of school with number four in their heads, they won’t be looking out for number one…”
“Whew, that sure was a Big Question, Frank. Let’s see what kind of yardage these Politician gained with their answers…”

• The few who picked number 4 are pushed back to their own goal line, a total loss.
• Those Politicians who picked number 3 make it halfway to the goal line.
• Those who picked number 2 sit in place—no gain.
• Those Politicians who think the United States is number 1 are first and goal.

“Whoa, there’s a scuffle on the field, Frank. From here it looks like a long-time senator ripping into a junior representative…”
“Bob, it seems the senator was addressed as Ma’am and she took offense, claiming she had worked hard for her starting position with the Washington Politicians—call her Senator. The young representative said something about screwing up the whole team…and we saw the rest.”
“The official program has us watching an instructional video while the Politicians reposition after kick-off. One of my favorites, Frank: Mr. Smith Goes To Washington.”

• Over two days half of Congress endures 5 minutes of 30-second questions and 30-second answers. They sit alone at a table of microphones on the 50-yard line.
• The Sergeant-at-Arms from the House and Senate rotate large bingo drums from which they randomly select ten Patriots at a time. Cameras zoom in on their seat—they are projected onto flat screens directly in front of the Politician during the confirmation.
• The Politicians then speak freely for 5 minutes on why they should continue to play for the Washington Politicians and what they think of the official playbook designed by charter team members; Madison, Monroe, Hamilton and others.
• As Politicians speak of themselves and the Constitution there are 100,000 Patriots pushing red or green buttons. Red is Retire. Green is Return.
• A map of the USA lights up green or red, state-by-state, as Patriots vote.
• Camp Constitution rules require a Politician to score regardless of the Patriot vote.
• Throughout the first half a John Wayne impersonator throws yellow flags from a horse.
• At the two-minute warning no Politician is close to scoring with the American people.

“Too bad about all those penalty flags during the first half, Bob. There are some decent men and women in Congress, but those team penalties…what hurt them the most?”
“All of Congress lost ten yards for confirming tax cheats into the government—and they were thrown back another 10 yards for not impeaching tax cheats already in the government.”
“There’s another scuffle, Bob. This one in the stands—what do we have up there?”
“By their T-shirts it looks like Animal House, Frank—it’s the Florida section. It seems there’s a confrontation between a Seminole and a Gator…now under control.”
“Handcuffs on a Seminole and a Tasered Gator…De javu, Bob.”
“You speak French, Frank?”
“Montpelier, Bob. That’s about it. Vermont doesn’t seem so enthused about this game...”
“That’s true Frank, but look at all those Cheese Heads from Wisconsin; some have T-shirts with Congress has Aged Poorly. There’s even a snow-making machine for Green Bay fans.”
“Texas T-shirts read, This Congress: NOT America’s Team.”
“I see Term Limit Towels waving around the Pennsylvania section—I understand the 82nd has set up a holding cell in the parking lot for Philadelphia fans…”
“Speaking of PA, I saw a cartoon about Congress running the 1970s Steelers: Rocky Blier snaps the ball to Mean Joe Green while Lynn Swan blocks and Terry Bradshaw anchors the goal line defense...it asks, How many Super Bowls would Congress have won?”
“Frank, I like those Tennessee shirts reminding Congress they can Volunteer to go home.”
“Regis Philbin is now modeling the official T-shirt for Camp Constitution, 2010. The message is split between Jefferson’s likeness on the front, Teddy Roosevelt’s on the back: When in the course of human events a government becomes oppressive…go Camping with the Constitution.”
“Bob, there was a movement from the Midwest, Nebraska maybe—they wanted to rename jock straps as Congressional Supporters, wave them around the stadium. I’m told a fear of the unclean surfaced…so the idea was scrubbed.”
“Frank, look over at the blonde near the top of the Oklahoma section. Her T-shirt is easy to read: Say OK to the FairTax—Sooner the Better. Do we have a report on those two Politicians carried off during the kick-off return?”
“One bad ticker, Bob, and one bad taco. Clean-up at the forty-seven yard line…”
“Whoa, Frank. Here comes a Streaker onto the field—from the California section it looks like. Oh, no. He’s approaching the president…”
“Yikes, Bob, I’ve never seen one Taser fired from a sniper rifle, but three at once…”
“Frank, the president doesn’t even have to be here. We should hand it to him and the Supreme Court, volunteering to observe. I understand the vice-president is hanging out with FEMA back in DC. You know, should our government cease to exist as we’ve known it...”
“Almost got there last year, Bob. Funny what saved us, huh? Congress not bothering to read the bills they passed.”
“That five-four vote in the Supreme Court upholding Camp Constitution will go down with the Bush-Gore decision...”
“Go down like that taco at midfield for half the country—a huge relief for the rest of us…”
“Why, Bob—your politics are showing…”
“I’m here for the C-Span audience as well as ESPN. I do want to remind our viewers that two hundred Politicians and one Czar have signed up for the Punt, Pass, and Kick competition during half time.”
“Frank, I understand those Czars are in the sideline VIP box with the Cabinet Secretaries.”
“Right, Bob—they’re seated Czar, Secretary, Czar, Secretary…. Who’s up top in the luxury boxes?”
“Joint Chiefs—and veterans rotating through ten hours at a pop. World War Two vets occupy the penthouse. At least these last survivors can know they didn’t beat the Nazis just to see us turn Commie as veterans died off…Was that politically incorrect, Frank?”
“I don’t know…have all the admitted Communists left this administration? I say speak your mind before you lose it.”
“My mind or my speech? Frank, I understand Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts manage equipment for the Patriots. ACORN is busy carrying water for—some—Politicians.”
“Who’s been coaching these Politicians, Frank? It’s hard to make out over on their sideline. The hand signals are just a blur…all those dark suits are blending together.”
“According to the program, Frank, there have been 35,000 lobbyists and some thirty Czars telling our Politicians what to do this past year. The Camp Constitution Act allows just a dozen lobbyists to suit up each quarter. Unions and global warming scientists will rotate through...”
“Who’s been telling the Patriots what to do over this past year?”
“No one, Bob, but—I suppose to taunt the other team—these Patriots elected to have a dozen talk-radio hosts and several best-selling authors on their sideline for the duration. Talk radio has been a game-changer for these Politicians over the years. This group is very loyal to the Constitution…they even refused to shake hands with the Czars before the game.”
“Yeah, one cable network, the same one that sells presidential memorabilia in their lobby, they’re treating it as a diplomatic snub, like we have real Czars…time for a song, Frank?”
“Twinkle, twinkle little Czar, how we wonder Why you are, up above congress so high, like dictators to us guys…twinkle, twinkle little Czar, how we wonder Who you are…”
“Why so many Czars last year, Bob? It’s not even listed on the team roster. Seems like these Politicians have learned from different game films than the rest of us, Bob.”
“More like altered game films: Some Politicians can’t win until they alter facts and history.”
“It’s like they read a different Constitution, Bob. Study a different American history, have different American dreams and memories…”
“Those are different wars, Frank—memories and dreams.”
“Lights and sirens, Bob. Regis has the last question for this half—the score remains unchanged—no Politicians have been traded to the Home Team…”
“More—and different—bells and whistles, Frank…”
“It’s the Hail Mary, Bob. The one answer a Politician can give to guarantee a touchdown for the American people…no matter their field position. Let’s see how they do…shhh.”

• Congress can best promote prosperity, freedom and honest politics by:
• 1. Reforming Social Security, Medicare and all other bloated Federal programs.
• 2. Sponsoring ever more Campaign Finance Reform.
• 3. Nationalizing health care, manufacturing, banking, education and the Internet.
• 4. Passing the FairTax bill (H.R. 25) and abolishing the IRS.

“That’s the first official mention of the FairTax, Bob. Look at all those flags waving.”
“Bob, you’d think the Patriots up in the stands were celebrating the Fourth of July…right here in the middle of August.”
“Frank, in the interest of full disclosure, I’ve been a FairTax supporter for ten years. If enough of these Washington Politicians are now willing to use this play…”
“I’d say the FairTax and the forward pass are similar, Bob—how about you?”
“Game changers…Mosteverytown will breath a sigh of relief at the passing of the IRS.”
“Holy tax aversion, Bob…will you look at all the people standing up—and that many Politicians standing up with them. How ‘bout that banner, Bob, dropping down above the tunnel: Welcome Back to Your Home Team.”
“Humbling, Bob…all those Politicians losing their fear of losing power. Shall we sing?”
“For the lobbyists, Frank, and for the IRS, withholding, ten-forty forms, and April 15…”
“Turn out the lights, the party’s over…”
“Looks like hundreds in Congress are fed up with federal shenanigans, Frank. They’re folding up their chairs and taking them home. They must have all read the FairTax books—maybe even the bill…. Can you get a count on Congress?”
“Count on Congress? Hardly…that’s why we’re here! Oh—sorry. No numbers, Bob—too many charging the goal line at once. They’ve disappeared in the tunnel. The rest of Congress ran out the other way—gone.”
“Look up there on the big screen: The scoreboard will be updated after halftime festivities”
“We won’t know the score here today, Bob, but we do know the quickest way for Politicians to score big with the American people.”
“After a little study, Frank, it seems Americans understand that the FairTax may be the only way to save the collective soul of Congress…”

• Half time opens with a concert. One video screen shows a montage of Americana, another recent political campaigns: Ted Nugent sings, don’t you go changing…to try and please me… followed by Motor City Madhouse—a tribute to his hometown Detroit.
• Texas wins the USDA Parking Lot BBQ Competition as a brisket edges out North Carolina pulled pork. Vermont’s tofu grill sampler comes in last.
• Jon Voight is set to update the scoreboard after his dramatic reading of Presidential quips and quotes—he refuses a teleprompter.
• The scoreboard is updated to read…
• The scoreboard reads…

The old quarterback on the front porch drops the ball…all at once. Browne leaves his phone number on the box he delivered. He writes, I want to know what happens next.

In the morning Browne watches muted town hall highlights while he listens to God Bless the USA. Citizens sound off silently about freedom and maybe even health care as Lee Greenwood ticks off two neighbors—four others sing along. The phone rings without notice.

The old man’s message on voicemail: “Don’t know what happens next…that’s when you woke me up. There’s a Tea Party in Washington tomorrow. If you’re willing to drive all night I’ll be on the porch after noon today. Wake me up—we might find out what happens next….”

Browne feels so good he knocks out fifty push-ups before calling in sick for the day.